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Words matter. They have the power to build up and tear down. And once they escape our mouths, you cannot retrieve them. Words matter and the apostle Paul gives parents a needed warning about our words and our actions. Although this passage is addressed to fathers, it applies to mothers as well.
Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
From the time I was seven years old, it was drilled into my head. Every coach from 10-and-under to college bellowed the same command, “Don’t take a called third strike! If you strike out, you had better go down swinging. When you have two strikes, widen your stance, choke up a bit, protect the plate, and don’t take anything close. Whatever you do, never watch the third strike go by!” When I began coaching my kids, I repeated (and repeated) the same instruction.
I will never forget one particular softball game. My oldest daughter Brittany, a fifth grader at the time and a great player made the last out of the game by (it’s hard to say it) taking a called third strike. My insides ignited. After the obligatory handshakes and “Great game, girls,” I made my way to the car with Brittany and exploded. “What just happened out there? Why didn’t you swing the bat? Never, I mean never, take a called third strike! How many times have you heard me say that? You could have pulled that pitch down the right-field line. As fast as you are, you could have made it to third easily. We could have won the game! What were you doing?” I stopped to take a breath and circled back with the same questions, notched up with more emotion. Then I saw the tears. My heart sank as I realized my angry (and foolish) rant directed at my daughter was precipitated by a recreational softball game! (For Brittany’s side of the story, check out this blog https://www.ronmoore.org/a-personal-blind-spot-confession/).
The word “provoke” means to “embitter” or “irritate.” One translation uses the word “exasperate.” This continued practice will cause your children to lose heart, lose confidence, and lose respect for you as a father or mother. As parents, we are called to demonstrate what it means to honor the heavenly Father in all things. As mothers and fathers, we are called to build up our children. As parents, we are called to demonstrate unconditional acceptance and love. Embittered hearts will walk away from God and us.
Father, please help us be parents who build up, not tear down. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Thanks for being so transparent. Words do matter and how I wish I could go back and retrieve some I have said. Regret is a haunting thing when looking back at past words. I’ve always prayed that God would erase them from my children’s minds so they only remember the good I’ve said. God’s Word is so relevant to this subject.