The Journey with Ron Moore

Have you just exited the backseat of your car? Just climbed into the light. Just discovered the destination of your sexual sin isn’t where you wanted to be?

Ron Moore concludes his series with the steps you must take to find your way back home.

Sex in the backseat has you imprisoned, looking at the road behind, as you travel farther and farther from home. It’s taking you for a ride you think you control when you don’t. But there’s someone closing fast. Someone who wants a word. Someone who loves you.

Ron Moore is here to tell you about it in this half-hour.

To be an accurate marriage guide our moral GPS must be fixed on a lofty reference point. It must acquire and lock-on to the signal and together husband and wife must follow its instructions. Lose any of that triangulation and a wrong turn down a dead-end road to an affair is much more likely.

Today, Ron Moore documents those three references and offers GPS like guidance from God’s Word.

There are dead ends down many marital byways. Those deceptive and hidden places that invite a casual drive-by relationship.  There, just when you think you can cruise on down the road and exit at the other end, you’re trapped.  Adultery is a lot like that.  Despite how long and exciting the trip might be, it always ends in a marriage roadblock.

That’s the place Ron Moore takes us to in the next half-hour.  In his examination of adultery, you’ll clearly see the dead-end signs and perhaps avoid the heartrending aftermath.

Sexually speaking, when you’ve driven off the road and into the darkness how do you find your way back? What hope is there to travel again down a lighted and narrow way? Such a U-turn is possible, but you’ll need directions and a guide.

In this broadcast, Ron Moore will be that guide for those caught in homosexuality. He’ll offer clear and compassionate directions from God’s Holy Word.

The road is lonely when we travel outside God’s clearly marked lanes. The solid lines are there, not to restrict our freedom, but to keep us in fellowship with Him. They warn us away from the ditch and the dark woods that lie beyond.

Perhaps the loneliest of our fellow travelers are those who have left “the narrow way” and driven into the darkness of homosexuality. Today Ron Moore shares a compassionate look at God’s way while offering a new direction for those caught in the gay lifestyle.

Living together . . . taking a test-drive before making a commitment . . . can yield important information, but only if your intended is a car.  People are a “bit” more complicated and marriage isn’t a “trade-in” institution.  If you want a marriage to last you’ll need better ways of ensuring a life-long relationship.

Ron Moore will tell you why in today’s broadcast.

Sometimes we drive, sometimes we are driven and sometimes we know the difference. Lust of the eyes and the heart frequently take us on a ride that we think we control. And when we fall into that line of thinking, lust has wrestled the wheel from our hands.

Men, you know the struggle. Women . . . you too. So what do you do? That’s Ron Moore’s focus in this half-hour. He’ll share biblical and practical solutions to regaining control of your life in the war against lust.

Some crave life on the edge. They drive headlong around blind, mountain curves, trusting in their firm control while drifting closer and closer to the precipice. Lust can be like that. It seems manageable, controllable, exhilarating, until one slip and we find ourselves falling into an abyss.

Why do we play with lust? And how does it play with us in return? Ron Moore will be along in a moment to talk about that with compassion and clear direction.

Remember those easy summer nights cruising with your boy or girlfriend, listening to classic love songs playing on the radio? Do you remember their messages about love and sex? Would you want your son or daughter to follow their philosophy?

We have an oldie but goodie for you.  One written not only for a new love but for your love too. And in its lyrics, you’ll find sexual instruction everyone can live by. Ron Moore shares it in just a moment.

Imagine for a moment you look out on your driveway and there sits a brand new, gleaming Lexus. It sports a big red bow and a gift card with your name on it.  How would you treat it? Better yet, how carefully would you drive it?

Ron Moore continues his series on Biblical Sexuality with a look at an even greater gift. One provided you by the Creator. One that most people would give up a Lexus to keep. The gift of sex. Just ahead are care and maintenance instructions that will keep your gift shining for the rest of your life.

Why a car leaves us stranded on a lonely road, or worse, smashed against a fence, can often be traced to a singular fact…it wasn’t operated according to the manufacturer’s instructions. In a way, sex is like that. When used outside of the creator’s guidelines, when not maintained by the Book, sex leaves its drivers broken and lost.

In this half-hour, Ron Moore picks up where he left off last time. . . looking at the design and maintenance of biblical sexuality. It’s the introduction of a series that insures you arrive whole and happy at your final destination.

Sexual expression is like a sleek racecar…beautiful, powerful, hard to ignore, and hard to stop when out of control.  To be skillfully handled, it requires mastery of the inventor’s directions. And if not driven precisely—if not kept on the right course—it will crash and burn, injuring driver and bystander alike.

Today, in view of its wonderful and yet potentially destructive power, Ron Moore begins a series that speaks to sexual expression from the instructions of its inventor.

Young Jewish boys were not allowed to read it (but I bet they did). I’m talking about the Song of Solomon, the Old Testament book about a man and woman passionately in love with each other. The writing, set in poetry, describes dating, marriage, and the problems that inevitably occur. But most of all the song is about God’s gift of sexual intimacy between a man and woman in the context of marriage. The book pulls no punches regarding sex. Yet it is no way vulgar or crude.

Three Hebrew words in the song best describe the components of intimate lovemaking.

  1. Rea

This Hebrew word means “spirit love,” and is translated “friend” throughout the song. That’s where healthy sexual relationships begin—a non-sexual relationship, usually in the company of others. This allows you to see how a person acts and interacts with others. Friendship provides a safe place where you can begin to talk with one another and learn the substance of a person’s heart.

This is important because a major desire for couples is to have a friend in their partner. In one study conducted with couples in all stages of the marriage relationship, couples were asked to rank a list of possible goals for their marriage. The single most important goal listed was to have a friend in one’s partner (Markman, Stanley, & Blumberg, Fighting For Your Marriage: Positive Steps for a Loving and Lasting Relationship, pp. 233-234). In another study aimed at determining why singles wanted to get married, 84% described friendship as the primary reason. This should not be surprising since the essence of marriage is the meet man’s need for companionship and loneliness. Researchers Notarius and Markman note that many divorced couples say that in the process they “felt like they lost their best friend” (We Can Work It Out: How to Solve Conflicts, Save Your Marriage, and Strengthen Your Love for Each Other, p. 132).

  1. Ahab

This Hebrew word describes “heart love” and describes the emotional part of love. It is that indescribable feeling that mysteriously causes two people to desire to spend their life together. When a man and woman “fall in love” they can think of little else. Ahab is used in this song to describe “lovesickness” (2:5b…for I am faint with love) and “emotional loyalty” (3:1— …the one my heart loves).

  1. Dod

This Hebrew word describes physical love. It means “to caress, rock, embrace, and consummate.” Throughout the book, it is translated “lover.”

 

These three components—connection, commitment, and consummation—make for true sexual intimacy. Any one by itself or any two are incomplete and unbiblical.

  • Consummation without connection or commitment is animalistic.
  • Connection and consummation without commitment are called fornication.
  • Connection and commitment without consummation lead to frustration and temptation.

But all three together—spirit (rea), heart (ahab), and body (dod)—now we’re talking! Now we’re singing love songs! This is the one-flesh relationship that only God could invent and design!

Marriages never explode. There is never one event that causes a couple to call it quits. Instead, the demise of a marriage is more like a slow leak. After a time, the marriage goes flat. Too many couples were not willing to fix the leak in the first place. And too many couples are not willing to invest the time, put in the hard work, and effect the personal change needed to restore and grow the relationship.

So the key is to maintain a sense of oneness.

I use three words to describe this biblical concept of oneness.

 

  1. Connection

Connection is the intercourse of body, mind, spirit, and emotion. All marriage couples understand the oneness of body in the sexual relationship. But that same connection has to be present in other areas as well. The physical connection comes most naturally. Mental, spiritual, and emotional oneness takes time to nurture and develop.

 

  1. Mission

I believe couples must have a marriage mission. The chief end of man is to bring glory to God, so the primary purpose of marriage is to do the same. A husband and wife have to be going the same direction at the same time for the same reason—in one word—mission. God brought you together to do what you could not do alone. He has a mission for your marriage.

 

  1. Mystery

Ready for a profound statement…man and woman are different. Shocker, right? We are wired differently. We view things differently. But here’s the kicker. Diversity creates strong oneness. If we are willing to deal with our differences, the differences will fuse oneness instead of driving us apart.

 

So how do you define oneness in marriage? What do you do to create and maintain it? What are some things that threaten oneness in your marriage?

Sex is not simply a physical act. The one-flesh relationship that God intended involves a spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical oneness. That’s why sexual tension in a marriage is much more that what is going on under the covers.

Here are ten sex issues in a marriage.

 

  1. Criticism: Sexual attraction and enjoyment is diminished when he/she  is regularly torn down by words.

 

  1. Anxiety: When sex is viewed as simply a physical act, fear of performance and acceptance is high.

 

  1. Guilt: Guilt may come from the view of sex in one’s background. If sex was always spoken of in a negative way at home and/or church that will have an impact. Also, sex may be a reminded of past sexual experiences.

 

  1. Resentment: This arises when one or both partners feel used.

 

  1. Communication: When communication about sexual expectations, needs, and fears are not discussed sooner or later problems will arise.

 

  1. Predictable Mechanical Sex: A lack of sensitivity or a too much predictability strips away romance.

 

  1. Lack of Sensuality: Husbands, if you show physical affection to your wife only as a lead-up to intercourse…there are going to be some problems.

 

  1. Lack or Loss of Trust: Mutual trust is one of the essentials of intimacy. Partners are reluctant to be vulnerable and giving to a person they can’t trust.

 

  1. Physical Appearance: There is a direct correlation between a negative perception of one’s body and inhibited sexual intimacy. God planned that the husband and wife are to be “naked and unashamed” before each other as part of the one-flesh relationship (Genesis 2:24-25). Husbands, tell your wife how beautiful she is. Take a page from the playbook of Solomon (Read Song of Solomon 1:8, 10, 15; 2:10, 13; 4:1, 7; 6:4; 7:1, 6).

 

  1. Expectation: Our culture has us thinking that sex is an earth-shaking, chandelier-swinging, mind-blowing event every time. In an Time magazine article the authors made this point:

 

…It’s hard to imagine a culture more conducive to feelings of sexual inadequacy…Tune in to the soaps. Flip through the magazines. Listen to Oprah. Lurk in the seamier corners of cyberspace. What do you see and hear? An endless succession of [people] preparing for, recovering from or engaging in constant, relentless copulation. Sex is everywhere in America—and in the ads, films, TV shows and music videos…the impression branded on our collective subconscious is that life…is a sexual banquet to which everyone else has been invited. (Oct. 17, 1994)

 

That describes the way many people feel. But we have to have realistic expectations. Sometimes the kids are down the hall. Sometimes the dishes are in the sink. Sometimes parents are sick. Sometimes there are pressures and stress at work. All of life plays into every day ordinary, married sex. Sometimes it is chandelier swinging…but there is also beauty in its ordinariness.

 

In his book A Grief Observed, C. S. Lewis describes a proper view of intimacy. He writes,

[My wife] and I feasted on love; every mode of it—solemn and merry, romantic and realistic, sometimes as dramatic as a thunderstorm, sometimes as comfortable and unemphatic as putting on your soft slippers. No cranny of the heart or body remained unsatisfied.

 

Married sex is with the person we love…the person we have fun with…the person we have committed our life to…the person who knows how weird we are and loves us anyway. Sometimes it is mind-blowing…sometimes it is need-meeting. But it is always with the one we are doing life with and in the context of commitment and invested relationship.

It is the hit song of the scriptures…a passionate love ballad that extols the joy of sexual intimacy.

Ron Moore offers a guided tour of Solomon’s “Song of Songs.”

Sexual intimacy is essential to a fulfilling marriage. But trying to meet your partner’s intimacy needs by giving them what you want will result in a less than satisfying experience.

Let’s examine the process of becoming “one flesh” and what each partner needs from the other.

Prayer

Do you need prayer?

Email prayer@ronmoore.org.

RON’S SERMONS

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